Moving to a new country can be exciting and daunting at the same time. There’s a mix of emotions that you really can't describe. I’ve moved countries 4 times so far in my life. First I moved to the US for my masters, then I moved to the UK after I got married. After a few years I moved to Singapore, and now I've recently moved to the UAE. Every time I moved to a new country, it was a completely different experience. I think a lot of it was to do with what my mental state was at the time and how I was able to deal with change. For the most part, it was fun and exciting, and the prospect of living in a different country, getting out of my comfort zone, getting to know a different culture or language and meeting new people was quite thrilling!

But let me tell you, it was not always fun, and there were times when I felt overwhelmed, lonely, frustrated and just plain sad. Times when I really missed my family and friends and the comfort of a familiar place. But now I have figured out ways to overcome those negative feelings - the secret lies in embracing everything – whether good or bad, and not forming opinions too quickly!

It’s amazing what getting out of your comfort zone can do to you. I have learnt so many things about myself in the past 3 years that I otherwise wouldn’t have known (but I guess that’s a topic for another day!) (1) I can be outgoing if I want to (2) I am more resilient than I thought I was (3) I will not take any sh*t from anyone, and will put my foot down irrespective of the consequences. (4) I’m a great host, if I may say so myself! haha ;)

So If you’re moving, or planning to move to a new country I hope this post is helpful, because these are things that I’ve learnt from my experience. Obviously I’ve made a few mistakes and learnt along the way – but that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? To be honest with you, I found myself ‘winging it’ a lot of the time, actually more than I’d imagined, but that’s just how I roll!

Plan and prepare:

As soon as you know that you’re moving to a new country, find out if you know someone who already lives there, get in touch and start the conversation well in advance. It might mean getting in touch with someone randomly, or out of the blue, but it's OK to be a bit shameless about it. At least this way, you are re-connecting with someone you've lost touch with. One of the many uses of social media! Most people help or at least point you in the right direction, and it’s always better to have that perspective. Nowadays there are a lot of websites that have all types of checklists. Print out a few of them and tick off as you get more things done. There will be days when you tick off 10 items in the list, and days when you get nothing done. But that’s fine, and there’s no point stressing over these things. You’re basically moving your entire life to a new country, and that’s obviously going to take time! I’ve been a list maker all my life and there’s nothing more satisfying than to tick off something from a list! But seriously, don’t go crazy making lists. Instead start acting on them ASAP! As you start doing things, you realize that there are many other related things that need to be done, which you may not have thought of, makes sense? Also, it’s amazing how long it can take for some of the seemingly straightforward things, like stopping magazine subscriptions, or redirecting post!

Also, before you move to a new country, it’s useful to research on potential areas to live, taking into account the traffic/commuting situation. If you have kids, their school might be your highest priority so everything else would then depend on where the school is – but there you go, at least you have a starting point! So figure out what your starting point is – is it your office, or school, or city center, or station, or leisure center/mall etc. Once you’ve narrowed down a few potential areas (stick to 2-3 areas max), it gets easier to look for houses/apartments. Having said that, no matter how much you’ve read about a place, and done your research it can still feel very overwhelming when you actually get there. But take a deep breath, and try not to do everything at once. Get your basic essentials sorted, and the rest can happen in due course. The most important things in my opinion are – visa or related documents, living arrangements and bank accounts. Once these things are taken care of, everything else can happen - one step at a time.

You may hate everything at first, and that’s OK

Change is not easy and some things take time - this is a fact. So don’t expect to love everything about a new country immediately. A lot of people (including me) have this tendency of comparing everything new with their home country (or previous country of residence). Obviously, there are going to be things that you absolutely love and others that you cannot stand. But if you get into this little game of comparing all the time, it’s going to result in a lot of disappointment. So try and avoid that. Instead, look at new things with an open mind and slowly you'll see the positives (or you will learn to accept things for what they are!)

Also, factor in the fact that you might be extremely tired and cranky in the first few weeks. Jet lag is a real thing, and it's cruel. You may automatically get irritated at the smallest of things, for no reason. I remember when we moved to Singapore from the UK a few years ago, we were travelling with a 6 month old baby who was severely jetlagged. I don’t even know what time zone he was on, bless him. So after the 16 hour flight, which was painfully tiring, for the next 2-3 weeks or so, I barely slept a wink. There were actual days when I didn’t sleep at all, and we all know what that does to your body and mind. I was always tired and grumpy, and hated everything! Unfortunately, my poor husband had to bear all the brunt. I'm sure it wasn't fun for him! Well, you know what they say - 'for better or for worse'! :D

Of course, as time passed and baby settled and I started sleeping again, I started seeing all the positives. Soon enough, I fell in love with Singapore. So with anything new, give it some time and don’t form opinions in the first month at least!

Explore, explore, explore

There’s no better way to get comfortable in a new country than to explore. No one wants to feel like an outsider, so even if it's for a couple of hours every week, try and visit a place you’ve never seen before, find out what the locals do, what their traditions and customs are etc. Explore the ‘touristy’ places as well as the hidden ‘non-touristy’ gems. That’s when you’ll get a real sense of the place and it will be much quicker to adapt and get used to your new home. Over time, you’ll figure out some of the common phrases used, or standard dos and don’ts. These are things that will help you feel a lot more settled and confident.

I personally love using public transport and that way I get to see different people, observe their behaviour and learn so many new things. You know, I didn't know what durian was until I saw a sign at a Singapore MRT (subway) station ' Durian not allowed'! See what I mean? There's so much to learn! And having lived in Singapore, I can now totally understand why durian isn't allowed! :D

People watching is actually one of my favourite things to do (obviously the non-creepy kind, and without their knowledge)! You learn so much just by observing people, what they wear, how they behave, etc. etc. I promise I’m not creepy, people watching is an art! I also love trying out the local cuisine, dining in different restaurants and exploring the food scene. There are a lot of websites that tell you what the best places to eat are. There’s no harm in trying! If there are local museums or places that tell you about the country’s history/culture, make sure you visit. I strongly feel that if you live in a country, even if it’s for a short time, you should know the basics – like the history, culture and customs. It just makes it easier and effortless to live, and you can avoid many faux pas!

Getting around town

Whether you buy/hire a car or get a train/tram or bus pass, make sure you know how to get around the city independently. It will just give you a confidence boost and you’ll feel a lot more settled very quickly. Everyday things like doing the groceries, going to the library or dropping off your kids to school then become a lot easier, plus you're not dependent on anyone so you can do things in your own time. You’re bound to make mistakes but that’s perfectly fine! There have been times when I’ve taken the wrong bus or train in the UK, gotten off the wrong station, missed a few trains etc. etc. but I’m glad I could at least figure out how to get myself back home (plus I have a lot of funny stories to tell my grand kids) and that’s what matters!

Now when I look back at the time when we moved to Singapore, I really feel that I should have started using the MRT sooner than I did. I would have felt a lot less hassled and a lot more confident. And saved a lot of money as well! Oh well, that’s how you learn right? So when we moved to Dubai, I wanted to make sure I was mobile and independent as soon as possible so I got a car within a month or so and started driving. It was extremely scary at first (especially as I wasn’t used to driving on this side of the road), and I found myself circling the roundabouts multiple times, because I didn't know how to exit! But I think overall it really helped in making me feel a lot more confident and 'at home'. I still get lost quite often, but I am sure I’ll get there! :D

You’re never too old to make friends, but it can be tough

I consider myself very fortunate to have some really amazing friends - school friends, university friends, work friends and family friends. But a new country means new people, new neighbours, new colleagues and new friends. Fact is - we all need someone to talk to, have a laugh and share good/bad times with. Although technology is amazing and it enables us to stay in touch with our old friends, there is still a need to form new friendships in the place you’re living in. Otherwise it can feel very lonely. When I was in school, it was so easy to make friends. You could simply walk up to someone and ask, ‘Can I be your friend?’ And hopefully he/she would agree or consult with the wider ‘group’ and then get back to you. Or you could write a note and pass it on to another kid and write why you wanted to be his/her friend (yes, that’s happened too!). I love that age - so innocent, so unassuming, so easy!

As I grew older, I continued to make more friends although there was definitely more politics involved and making friends was a bit hit and miss. You know, kids can be very mean, and the teenage years are a bit dodgy anyway with all the drama and hormones etc! Anyway, when I moved to New York for my Masters, my roommates/classmates and their friends became my friends. It was a very easy organic process and didn’t take any conscious effort from my side. It just happened. A few years later, when I moved to the UK after getting married, my husband’s friends became my friends, and I had a few friends of my own already living there, so it was fairly easy. I didn’t really have to work hard to look for friends as such, although maintaining these friendships needed some effort from my side. Mainly because everyone was busy and finding time to hang out was getting more and more difficult. I guess what I’m trying to say is, in my younger days I never really had to consciously try and find or make new friends.

But when I moved to Singapore with a new baby, I sort of struggled in the ‘friends’ department. Was I too old to make friends? Was I too 'set in my ways' as they say? Or was I just imagining these things? I suppose when you’re working in an office you still end up meeting a lot more people, so there’s a better chance of forming friendships. But if you’re mostly at home, it is a challenge to even meet people. You really need to make an effort and put yourself out there. To add to that, when you're a new mom even simple everyday things that you take for granted, like brushing your teeth and getting dressed can seem like the biggest challenges of your life!

But I did what I could - I joined some mum & baby groups, downloaded an app called Meetups and looked for things to do like yoga and activities that I enjoyed doing. But for someone like me who is not very outgoing, these things didn’t come naturally and it was all very awkward at first (maybe it was all in my head). Nonetheless, most of the friends I made were moms of kids who were at a similar age as my son. I'm so thankful for that! It took a lot of time and effort, but at least I had someone I could call without having to think about time zones and accidentally waking someone up at 4 am!

So when you’re in a new country, do try and meet people and make new friends. It is very important, and can be the deciding factor in terms of how ‘settled’ you feel. So put yourself out there, start conversations at the playground, knock on your neighbour's door and make an effort to have a social life. Of course, these things come naturally to some people, which is great, but for others, it may feel very awkward and weird at first. But it's good to get out of your comfort zone from time to time. I would say start by joining some expat groups, facebook groups, or networking groups. (you can tell, I'm really into this social media thing) Apps like Meetups are useful and joining community activities or school events is also helpful (and fun!)

I feel that we need all kinds of people and relationships in our life. If you think about it, not all your friends are your 3 am friends, but they still have their own place in your heart and in your life. I may not be in regular contact with a lot of my friends, but I’m glad they were there – whether I wanted to go for a coffee and gossip, or whether I wanted to cry my heart out at 2am! And I really hope they feel the same..

Make it your own

When you move to a new country, chances are you'll be living in a rental accommodation, or a serviced apartment or a hostel, or sharing a flat with someone. Even so, there are ways to feel 'at home', wherever you live and without breaking the bank. If you surround yourself with familiar things, chances are you'll feel more comfortable, more settled. That's what I feel anyway. So whether you choose to put up pictures of your friends and family, or bring in some beautiful house plants, or create some art of your own, make sure you try and make the place your own. As you spend more and more time in a new country, it does eventually grow on you. But give it time and the opportunity to do so, by opening your heart and mind to new experiences, and new possibilities.

I honestly never thought I'd move to Dubai, and when I did, I never thought I'd like it as much as I do. But you know what, this city has grown on me! Of course there are some things that bother me, as like with any city. But overall, I'm glad I got the opportunity to live here. Who knows where I'll be next, and when?? You know what I think? It really doesn't matter what part of the world you choose to live in. If you're able to make a place for yourself wherever you are, that's basically home.

xx

Kirti