Where do I begin? And other random thoughts..

I recently attended a painting workshop at The Workshop Dubai. It’s one of those things I’ve always wanted to do - create art like the Masters! We were supposed to create a painting inspired by the great Van Gogh - a combination of ‘A Starry Night’ and ‘Sunflowers’. As if that wasn’t daunting enough, I was a painting newbie and was terrified that I would somehow make a fool of myself. I looked around to see if there were any extra blank canvases hidden anywhere, you know just incase I dropped black paint all over mine and had to start over. As I stared at the blank canvas in front of me, I thought to myself - Hmmm, where do I begin??

I must admit, this is a question I ask myself way too many times. And I know I’m not alone in this because I’ve heard it multiple times from friends, family & colleagues..

“I have to get through these 3 books before my exam tomorrow - where do I begin?? “

“I have to finish coding this entire feature by tonight - where do I begin??”

“I have just landed in a new country and need to find a job - where do I begin??”

“I have invited 30 people for dinner and I said I’ll cook at home - where do I begin??”

“I have put on 15 Kgs post pregnancy and I need to get fit and healthy again - where do I begin??”

Now don’t ask me why I was thinking about random things when all I had to do was focus on the painting! I must have zoned out for a bit because when I suddenly looked around me, people were busy drawing some circles on their blank canvas! So typical of me!

Well, I soon caught up with what was going on and decided that I would pay attention going forward. You know I’m finding it really hard to focus on one thing lately. Maybe I’ve taken this whole ‘multitasking’ thing too seriously! Now, when was the last time I had to only focus on one thing? Nope, can’t think of anything. Anyway, I digress (see what I mean??) now back to the painting, and this time I’ll focus, promise!

The painting was coming along quite nicely, much better than I had imagined. Mixing colours to make a completely new colour is so fascinating, and immensely satisfying! My son also loves it and calls it the paint magic trick! I was amazed at how quickly I got really comfortable with the whole painting situation (after a bit of starting trouble, and wandering thoughts). This could totally be my thing!

Obviously, it was nowhere close to what the actual painting looked like - I missed drawing a circle (star), and also a sunflower so my painting was less Starry and less Sunflower-y. My sky was more teal than deep blue and let’s not even talk about the actual sunflower. But, it doesn’t matter - it was my interpretation. Artists and creative people have the liberty to say such things.

So, three hours later, the painting was complete! I was glad that I hadn’t made a complete fool of myself! This is something I could show real people, and even post on Instagram! Ha! I give most of the credit to the extremely patient and talented instructor, but I’m not going to lie - I felt pretty damn good!

So I came home that evening, feeling very accomplished, and I sat in my favourite chair at home to deconstruct my thoughts. I do that sometimes. Whenever I don’t quite understand something, or want to clear my thoughts, or just want to relax, I sit in my chair, close my eyes and think. A lot of my friends think I randomly doze off! Well, that’s also quite true, about 60% of the time. But you’ll never really know ;)

Now you might think, it was just a painting workshop, what’s the big deal and why am I rambling on about it. The truth is, I learnt a lot of things that day (I mean more than mixing colours and drawing sunflowers). I felt very inspired. Sometimes, you can find inspiration and get answers to life’s complicated questions in everyday mundane things.

1) Where do I begin?

The answer to this question is really quite simple. The best place to begin, is from the beginning. Even the most complicated paintings in the world began with a blank canvas. True story! Sometimes I tend to really over-complicate things and make them seem harder than they are. There’s a step by step process to everything, you just have to find the first step!

2) What if it’s a waste of time?

I can’t tell you how liberating this whole experience was for me. When I booked the class, various thoughts crossed my mind - what if this is a big waste, I can do so many other things in these 3 hours.. do I really need to learn how to paint? Am I really going to become a great artist or something? Do I have to do this now? Yeah, imagine how much I think just for a 3 hour workshop, but that’s just how I am. But I’m so glad I did it! It gave me a nice break from my everyday life. I learnt something new, I spoke to other adults without having to discuss kids, toddler tantrums and sleep issues. That itself is a big deal - if you’re a parent you know what I’m talking about.

I think we all need to take a break from time to time and do something for ourselves. Something creative, something you wouldn’t do everyday, and something that gives you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. It may not be the best use of your time, agreed. But it will not be a complete waste I promise!

3) What if it doesn’t turn out well?

I’m not going to lie, I did not expect the painting to look even half as decent. I entered the room thinking - will this be a worthwhile experience? What if my sunflower ends up looking like a potato?? (trust me, at one point it really did!), etc. etc. But you know what, if we keep thinking about how things will turn out, we can never enjoy or do justice to what we’re doing. I realised this half-way through the workshop, when it dawned on me that this is not really about the painting, this is about learning how to paint. There’s a difference. So it’s really OK if my sunflowers look like fire :D. Sometimes, the journey or the process is more important than the destination. So now I’ve decided, I’ll try to focus on the process, and not worry about the ‘result’. It’s harder than you think!

4) Will I look like a fool?

This thought crosses my mind quite often. I think it’s a case of not having enough confidence or faith in myself. Oh and did I mention self-doubt? Yep, that’s there pretty much all the time (although I’m now in a much better place). I’ve done quite a lot of new things this year. I’ve been outside of my comfort zone. I’ve opened up to people who don’t know me at all! You see, I’m not a very out-going person, so it’s been a lot of effort, a lot of self doubt and a lot of ‘what ifs?’. But at the end of the day, I’ve realised that it’s pointless to think about what people think. Most of the time, what these people think doesn’t matter. Yeah, maybe I do look like a fool sometimes, but I’m OK with that, so it’s no reason to stop! In any case, it’s ok to laugh at yourself sometimes, right?? :D

xx

Kirti